007 Looks Impressive While Ogres and Old Ladies Fight

How many old flames can one British super spy have? And why do they all have to die? The answer may lie in 007 #1, written by Phillip Kennedy Johnson, drawn by Marco Finnegan, colored by Dearbhla Kelly, lettered by Jeff Eckleberry and published by Dynamite.

Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. Your heart is true — you’re a pal and a confidant. Now pick up the goddamned machete and help us fight off this mob in Golden Rage #1, written by Chrissy Williams, drawn by Lauren Knight, colored by Sofie Dodgson, flatted by Shayne Hannah Cui, lettered by Becca Carey and published by Image.

If your cursed magical armor wouldn’t shut up, you’d be having a bad day, too. It’s only worse because you can’t find the legendary sorcerer you’ve been sent to find in Immortal Red Sonja #3, written by Dan Abnett, drawn by Emiliana Pinna and Luca Colandrea, colored by Ellie Wright, lettered by Jeff Eckleberry and published by Dynamite.

Will Nevin: As one of the greatest minds and advocates of the 20th century once said, “America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed.” In this, our 25th week(ish) of doing this together, I don’t think we’ve had a set of books that were more action oriented. So this time out, we’re flying. And fighting. And shooting.

And stabbing.

Can’t forget about the stabbing.

Ian Gregory: I have no objection to doing action-oriented books, but I feel like we’ve had a trend of action books with premises so mind-meltingly stupid we couldn’t bring ourselves to enjoy the fighty shooty stabby bits. Hopefully, this week will buck that trend.

Will: Ian, I swear to you, I’m going to do better. Eventually.

007 #1: A Good-Looking, OK-ish Story

Will: Is this our first licensed book? It feels like it, but I can’t be bothered to check. [Grote’s note: Nope. Dynamite licenses Red Sonja from the estate of Robert E. Howard.] Anywho, Dynamite has a pretty good track record of bringing in big names to work on the Bond line, and this newest series is no exception, with Phillip Kennedy Johnson (of the current run on the Superman books and one of my favorite minis of all time, BOOM’s Warlords of Appalachia) coming in to start this new story.

And it’s fine, roping in most of the post-Cold War Bond tropes (i.e. allegiances up for grabs, Bond being outdated, etc.) that you can rattle off. But here’s my first thought as I read and reflect on this — and maybe this is an issue with the licensor, who knows — but if you can do Bond as a comic? With no budgetary restrictions? Seems like it should be more bonkers than this. And, again, that’s not entirely fair since the Fleming estate has a lot to say about what can happen here.

Ian: As you say, a licensed comic comes with its own set of issues, especially one like James Bond where the estate does have a strong interest in keeping things “on brand.” But you’re definitely right about the setpieces. You have the great wide world, free from the cost of filming and stunts and effects, and you decide to have the opening scene in an office building? The Bond movies, from the few I’ve seen, have a strong travelog element. Spy films in general have a very keen sense of place: the claustrophobia-inducing towers of New York in Three Days of the Condor, or the wide-open pastoral expanses of Hopscotch. Here, Bond is: in an office building, in an office building, on a bridge (briefly) and in an apartment building. And Bond is, more than any other spy property, the ultra-high budget bombastic showing. Give me something to get excited about!

Will: Again, the plot here won’t surprise you: Bond finds out his cover’s been blown on a mission, and during a subsequent furlough, he gets a call from a mysterious old flame, only for her to show up floating in the river. I’m interested enough to keep going, especially where the nefarious Evil American(™) is concerned, but I’m also a wannabe Bond nerd.

Ian: It’s all pretty standard, and it lacks anything in the way of a strong hook. In some ways, I think this issue relies a little too heavily on the license in getting readers interested. There’s nothing unique or gripping about this first issue, other than that it’s the setup for what looks like a well-done, classic Bond story. If you like James Bond, you’ll keep reading because you know what to expect. But, if you’re like me and don’t have a strong attachment to Bond, then I think there’s a high chance you’ll bounce off.

I’m looking for something a little more than just competent adaptation.

Will: This issue was strongest in its visual storytelling — I loved the panels pulling away from Bond as we slowly figure out Gwen is not going to make their meeting. Strong second place to the silent panels where we see her body being recovered from the river.

Ian: Love the use of Ben-Day dots in the flashbacks to denote an earlier time period. The other coloring was good, too — the blacks are so dark that Bond blends into the shadows, for example. As is fitting for a story about a more experienced Bond, he looks tired and weathered. The fight scenes are smooth and well-paced. Artistically, I have no complaints: This is a moody, well-illustrated issue.

Golden Rage #1: A Thin Gruel of Premise Does Not a Tasty Meal Make

Will: Ahhhhhh, it’s our old friend, the in media res opening! How did you like its deployment here? Did it work for you?

Ian: I suppose this is one way to disguise a thin premise: simply do not acknowledge its existence.

Will: Somebody call the goddamned burn ward. TAKE A BOW.

Ian: In media res works best when the events on the page are shocking or bewildering or in some way compel you to read on. Maybe I just read too many darn comics, Will, but the start of this issue failed to get any sort of reaction out of me. I’m not sure what bits were supposed to resonate with me here. Am I supposed to laugh at the granny ultraviolence? Am I supposed to be indignant about the hints of Handmaid’s Tale? Relate to the sweet old ladies forced to fend for themselves? I’ve got no clue.

Will: From what I understood of this premise (and the title for that matter), I thought this was going to be a mashup of The Golden Girls and Battle Royale. And to be clear, there are old women, and there is violence. But part of what makes Golden Girls so cherished is all the character work that goes into the show (albeit work that’s saddled with the baggage of broad comedic archetypes). Here, we don’t have any of that. The main characters barely have names, and the most development we have is that one is big and tough with a Russian (?) accent and another doesn’t like swears. This could grow into something more interesting, but we need some reasons to care about these characters and stat.

Also, we got a taste of Man-Eaters style bioessentialism with the fact these women are on the island due to menopause. It’s 2022. We gotta stop writing that kinda stuff into plots.

Ian: It’s hard to develop a large cast of characters instantly, so I’ll give the Golden Rage team a pass for not instantly making me fall in love with these four women. You’re right, though, that there hasn’t been a real hint of much complexity beyond their surface-level traits. As I said earlier, I was looking for something to keep me interested, and none of these characters gave me that reason. It’s one thing to ease into your cast and slowly build them up as people, but there was nothing here that made me curious about their pasts, or want to spend more time with them. They existed, did their individual little bits, and the issue ended.

As for the bioessentialism, that stuff doesn’t really bother me. Done carelessly, sure, it’s bad, but it’s not a concept without thematic merits, and it can be done well. Of course, that doesn’t mean it will be done well here, but I’m not going to prejudge until I see how it’s handled.

Will: I got the sense that they felt like the menopause thing *had* to be in there, but they didn’t want to focus on it. Mention it, then move on as quickly as possible. But my point? It’s your story — write around that problem. But you’re right in that this could play out fine — at least this team will handle any criticism better than Chelsea Cain because no one could have done a shittier job on that point.

Finally, because my ego knows no bounds, I’m going to steal your sound effects bit: I thought the cat purrs were done pretty well here. (See that, letterers? I can give compliments.)

Ian: I felt like the “We’re having brunch!” page was missing something. It felt to me like it was supposed to be pulling out to reveal something dramatic — the main character is making a face of shock, so I expected the old ladies to be, like, cannibals or something. It felt like a very undercooked page that made me study it for a while because I was so certain I had missed something.

Immortal Red Sonja #3: What Is a Curse, Anyway?

Will: We end as we began, with another Dynamite book (one that’s definitely not a thinly veiled excuse to push t-n-a merch) in Immortal Red Sonja. I gotta admit, Ian, unlike the frequent losers I pick out, this was a solid choice of yours and a series that’s really growing on me.

Ian: Immortal Red Sonja continues its place at the top of the “biggest disconnect between cover and contents” ranking. Something unusual here though: Emiliana Pinna illustrates the first half of this issue, and Luca Colandrea the second half. That would be fine if the jump between the two weren’t so glaringly obvious: On one page, we have Pinna’s skull-faced, Balor-style giant, and the next Colandrea’s much more cartoony, trollish giant. I definitely preferred the Pinna pages, but I still yearn for the Miracolo art from issue one.

Will: I noticed that inconsistency too, particularly in depictions of Sonja. Despite the scattershot art, part of what I’m really starting to enjoy is the absolute put-upon nature of this incarnation of Sonja. She’s so fucking tired of this curse bullshit and her talking armor and this quest she’s on. It’s Danny Glover Lethal Weapon vibes but with swords and ogres and titans and shit. And that’s a different sort of book that even I, Guy Who Dislikes Swords and Sorcery, can support.

Ian: I love the curse repeatedly trying to justify its existence to her — and for every time it saves her life, it neglects crucial information or endangers her yet again. There’s something interesting here about the relationship between heroes and cursed items: Are you really a mythic hero with a tragic curse or mysterious mystic item? Do curses — and the hardships we take upon ourselves — really make us stronger? It helps that this dialogue continues during the fight scenes, and that the themes are elaborated in those fight scenes, rather than pausing for tiresome non-sword-related scenes.

Will: Another thing I like is that this is not some videogame fetch quest in comic book form. Yes, Sonja was sent to seek Merlyn’s help, but she has to find him, and it’s not a straight A-to-B-to-C line. That made this issue more interesting for me.

Ian: It’s a tall order to make Arthuriana interesting. Abnett is doing much more than the bare minimum by engaging with the idea of stories, mythic cycles and curses, but I think this version of Merlyn may make or break this story. I feel like I’ve seen benevolent and wise Merlyn as many times as I’ve seen evil jackass Merlyn, and I find myself hoping for something with a little more meat to it. And also I’d like a stable art team.

Will: Ian, we’re the Leftovers team: Our goals have to be a bit more realistic than indie books carrying consistent, high-quality art.

Does This Smell OK?

Sound Effects Watch: You already stole my bit, but I’ll do it here anyway. I liked the gunfire sound effects in 007, particularly in the opening scene as they dodge around the cubicles. It makes it look like they’re ducking under the effects themselves to dodge bullets, and it gives the whole scene some good momentum.
Rapid fire questions:
- Favorite Bond movie?
  - Will: I could name a modern, recency-bias inspired classic (Goldeneye, Casino Royale or Skyfall), but I’ll go with View to a Kill because it’s so terrible, it’s great. Underrated modern film: Tomorrow Never Dies. Can’t go wrong with Jonathan Pryce as a Rupert Murdoch stand-in.
  - Ian: Only seen a few of the most recent, so I suppose I’ll go with Skyfall.
- Toughest old lady?
  - Will: Judi Dench. Is there anyone she can’t put in their place?
  - Ian: Is it sad that my thoughts went straight to Margaret Thatcher? Not tough enough, though!
    - Will: Yup, she’s dead and hopefully in hell with Ronald Reagan. Got that girl boss energy, though!
- What talking piece of clothing would be the worst to deal with?
  - Will: I’m trying to stick with the Bond theme here so … maybe a holster? Encouragement to draw your gun at the most inappropriate time would not work out.
  - Ian: Socks. You wear them all day, you literally step on them, you can’t tell me that talking socks would not try to take their frustration out on you.
Yes, today’s rotisserie chicken should be tomorrow’s chicken salad and that stale bread can make for some great french toast, but for Christ’s sake, you don’t need to make sure all of your celery has a second life. Why the fuck are you buying celery in the first place?
Leftover bread doesn’t have to go to something sweet — this savory bread pudding recipe reminds me of mom’s ol’ breakfast casserole, which was basically egg, cheese, bread and meat. Good eatin’.
A Louisiana-inspired cookbook for leftovers? Yeah, gimmie that.